I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Me too!
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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