im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
