I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
