and you said cock pushups were impossible
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
