I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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