There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
tell your sister to shave her snatch
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
