everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
