Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
