He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Randomize
