so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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