stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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