I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Randomize
