I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
