I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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