You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
how drunk are you?
Several
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
