her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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