I heard we made out
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
