you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
