hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
