Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Randomize
