I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize