its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
