Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
