Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
