I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
