pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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