SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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