do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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