i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I touched a dick in church today
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
