Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
