need another drink. this is the easiest way
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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