What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
