Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
