Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
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