We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
