i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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