you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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