At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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