Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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