your thong is hanging out like whoa
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Randomize