Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
