So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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