You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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