Don't make out with my wife yet
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
