she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
