Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
