Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
