So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
