you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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