your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
