I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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