I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Hippo gnu deer
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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