Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
