We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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