We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
