In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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