I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize