my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
