oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
He did a backflip because drugs
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
