how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize