thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I just want nice things and good sex
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
