We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Randomize
