I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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