I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
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