I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
