Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
