I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
