maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
