Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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