YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
