u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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