Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
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