I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
