There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
