I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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