haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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