theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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