another moral hangover. fuck.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
