watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
