i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
